How To Intrude Her Space With Care

Today, we're diving into a topic that every mom, aunt or grandmother can relate to - how to give the young women in our lives their space while knowing when it's time to step in. We've all been there, right? We want to respect their privacy, but sometimes, that "mom radar" starts buzzing, and we just know something's off. Whether it's sneaking a peek at their diary or checking their room for clues, it's easy to feel torn between respecting their independence and making sure they are safe.  Today, we'll talk about how to approach those tricky situations with love and care, keeping the trust and making sure you are there for her.

Bible Scripture: "Pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

Transcript

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Ladies, your natural instinct is to worry. You worry about your children, your health, your relationship, and everything else under the sun. It's a classic case of worry wart syndrome. If you tend to worry needlessly, you are not alone. Welcome to the She Strives With Faith podcast with Berthena Jackson. Berthena is a two time divorcee, single mother, and war veteran who suffered from anxiety, but learned to let go and let God. Berthena will share captivating and down to earth conversations on how to strive by faith. Here's your host, Berthena Jackson. Hello, beautiful women around the world. Welcome back to the She Strives With Faith podcast. I'm your host, Lady B Celeste. So today's episode is going to be for all the mothers. If you have a daughter, you're going to want to listen to what I have to say. Okay. I have titled this So today we're diving into how to give the young women in our lives, our daughters, granddaughters, or nieces, their much needed space, while also knowing when it's time to step in if something's not right. You know, we all have a tendency, an instinct to be a bit nosy, whether it's peeking into their diaries or checking their rooms. You know, it's like God has given us this built in radar for detecting trouble. Okay. But respecting, respecting their privacy is very important. So today I'll share how to balance giving the women, the young women in our lives, freedom while staying aware and ready to step in when necessary. So here's where I want to start, creating a personal space for your daughter, your granddaughter, or your niece is crucial. And this is why I say this because giving your daughter or That young woman in your life, a sanctuary where she can, let's say, decorate how she likes or listen to her favorite music or hang out with her friends. This is really important to her because having her own space helps her feel secure and valued. And this is very essential for her to develop independence and self esteem. But I will admit, There are times when stepping in becomes necessary. And here's what I mean. So if you suspect that that young woman in your life, that daughter, that granddaughter, that niece is using drugs or alcohol, or she is engaging in other harmful behaviors. It's important to approach this carefully. I'm talking. It's almost like walking on eggshells. And I know this because I have a daughter and I had to do the same thing. So I'm not telling you anything that I myself did not do when my daughter was a teenager. So instead of us intruding on their privacy without notice, I think it's important for us to let them know. That we need to search their room and ask them to be present during the process. Now, I know that many of you were raised up where your mama told you this, my house and I own this house. You don't pay no bills. I can come in this room and search and do what I want because you ain't paying no rent. This is my house. All right. You know, we can use that attitude. We can go in with that kind of attitude. I don't know if that's going to be most beneficial for your relationship. It might be detrimental. It might push you apart rather than bring you together. And I've used that strategy before. I'm going to be honest. I had that whole attitude with this ain't your house and you don't pay no bills. And you know, when you get your own place, you can do what you want. But right now I can do what I want and I can search this room and I can because it's my house. I had that attitude, but I'm going to ask you to choose to do something different. I'm going to ask you to choose to react, to approach it in a different way. And when you do this, this is going to respect her space. But at the same time, Give you the power and the authority in a positive way to circumvent any potential problems that you may think as a mother, which your intuition as an auntie or grandmother with your intuition that you have this intuition that something is going on, but I just want you to approach it in a different way. You don't have to be gunho. You don't have to be aggressive. You don't have to be demanding. You don't have to, um, be so assertive with your authority that you push her away or you cause her to be anxious or stressed, or even to the point where she doesn't trust you, that she feels that her room is not her sanctuary. But like I said before, if you know or feel that something is going on, approach it from a more sensitive mindset. Give her the respect, but also show her that you care. Let me give you an example. When my niece was living with me, I found a home pregnancy test in her room. Now, automatically I'm thinking, Oh my gosh, she done got herself pregnant or she is. Well, I'm not going to say, well, with the pregnancy test. Yeah. I just assumed that my niece was having sex and she suspected that she was pregnant. That was my, that was my first response. But rather than reacting immediately, I chose to take a step back. I approached my niece and I told her, listen, I found this pregnancy test. Let's think about this. Let's talk it over breakfast tomorrow. I did this because I wanted to get some advice from other friends and I wanted to pray about it. You know, I thought about that scripture, 1 Thessalonians chapter 5, verse 17, which encourages us to pray without ceasing. So I wanted to pray. This reverse reminded me to stay connected with God through prayer, especially since I was facing this situation with my niece and I didn't have all the details. I didn't want to assume anything, and I wanted to come with her in love. I didn't want to accuse her of anything. So I took the time out to pray. So the next morning I approached her gently over breakfast. I said, I just want to understand what's going on. I'm not going to be angry. And I'm sorry that you had to keep this important issue a secret. And this is what my niece said to me. She said, auntie, it doesn't mean anything. So she was very defensive. She said, give me a break. Now, my response could have been to get angry or upset or frustrated. But I continue with empathy. And I said to her, baby, I suspect this might mean that you've been sexually active or you might be worried about being pregnant. I said, I remember how scared I was with my first pregnancy test. I thought that I was pregnant. I didn't know and I was afraid. So instead of launching into a lecture, I shared my own experience to build connection. And this approach opened the door for a meaningful conversation. And with tears in her eyes, my niece admitted that yes, she was afraid that she might be pregnant. She says, I'm sorry, auntie. I've never been so scared in all. My life. And we continued to talk about it and I won't get into much more details than what I've already shared. But I just wanted to share with you how I responded to my niece and how, as a result of that, she was able to open up to me. She was able to share the fear that she had. And I know some of you have daughters or nieces or granddaughters that are either going through the same thing, or you've experienced it. And I don't know what your response was. I just ask that you consider the next time that you are presented with this problem, that you're able to respond in a different way. Not the same way that you did before, but differently from the heart with love, not with aggression or authority or anger. Because I believe combining empathy with constant prayer allows us to foster honest dialogue and provide support you know, and when we do that, it strengthens our relationships with the young women in our lives. So now I want to give you practical strategies, three practical strategies that you can use. Number one, respect their space. Let them personalize their rooms, enjoy their music, and have friends over. And this helps them feel independent and valued, giving them a safe haven to express themselves. Number two, communicate openly. If you need to address a concern, inform them beforehand and involve them in the process. Approach these situations with understanding, explaining your concerns, and asking for their cooperation. And number three, stay aware. Be vigilant for signs of trouble while respecting their privacy. If you notice any red flags, address them with care and sympathy and empathy and love, ensuring them, letting them know that you're there to support them. You're not there to attack them. You're not there to accuse them. You're not there to criticize. You're there because you love them and you want to see them successful. You want to be helpful. So I hope that something that I have shared has been beneficial to you. I hope this episode will help you to better relate to the young women in your life. You don't have to do the same thing that your mother did, you don't have to interact with the women in your lives, your daughter, or your granddaughter, that niece. You don't have to interact with them the way that your mother or grandmother interacted with you. You don't have to respond the same way. I believe That there are things that my mother taught me that I am very grateful for. There are things that my mother taught me that I can use today, but then there are some things, let me tell you that I refuse. To accept when I was raising my daughter, there are methods that I refused to use just because my mother used those methods. I don't have to use those same methods. And I found that by doing that, I had a better connection with my daughter. And even today, my daughter and my relationship with her is still intact. It is a beautiful relationship. It is a strong relationship. We communicate well. She's able to express herself openly. She's able to share with me some of the deep things in her heart. And I know that you have the same desire. You have the same desire to have that similar relationship with the young women in your life. So I want to encourage you to really sit back and analyze and assess. Some of the destructive things that we have said to our daughters, our nieces, our granddaughters, assess it, evaluate it. And if you need to go back and apologize, apologize to her. And I'm telling you, when you do that, you'll see your relationship, transform. It will be turned around. Those broken bridges, you'll be able to mend those broken bridges. So that's really all that I have for you today. I want to say, God bless you. I want to just say that if you have a broken relationship, With a young woman in your life. I pray that God will come in to mend that relationship to restore that relationship, that he will remove any anger, frustration, resentment from the words that we have spoken, from the behaviors that we have displayed because we thought that we were doing the right thing. And granted, we did do those things out of love, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it was the right response. It doesn't necessarily mean that it was the correct strategy. It doesn't necessarily mean that our daughters or the women in our lives benefited from it. And in fact, you may find that form of strategy, that old way of doing things actually did more damage than you could have ever imagined. But she never said anything, but it's still within her. She's still dealing with that. So it's up to you to all the mothers, the grandmothers, the aunties, it's up to you. To go back to that young woman, even if she is an adult now, even if she's grown and mature, it don't matter. Even if she's got her own family, it don't matter. It is up to you to make amends because that is what God would want you to do. So I love you with the love of Jesus. And I thank you so much for listening to this podcast, for tuning in today. I hope these tips help you create a supportive environment for the young woman or the young women in your life. Until next time, keep striving with faith. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to the She Strives With Faith podcast. To hear more about how you can tap into the power of striving with faith, join her next week. If you found value in the episode, give her a rating or tell a friend about the show. Follow Berthena on Facebook and Instagram for a more personal chat. Until next time, strive to keep faith alive.