Building Bonds with Moody Daughters

In today's episode, I'll discuss understanding your daughter's moodiness and improving your connection with her during tough times. Mothers should avoid blaming their daughter's moodiness on their menstrual cycle and instead seek to communicate with Christlike love and compassion.

It's important to create an environment where daughters feel understood and supported, even when their emotions are running high. So, grab your pen and paper to jot down some insightful strategies as we explore how to build stronger bonds with our moody daughters. Let's dive in!

Bible Scripture: "With all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2 (NKJV)

Transcript

Ladies, your natural instinct is to worry. You worry about your children, your health, your relationship,  and everything else under the sun. It's a classic case of worry wart syndrome. If you tend to worry needlessly, you are not alone.  Welcome to the She Strives With Faith podcast with Berthena Jackson.

Berthena is a two time divorcee, single mother, and war veteran who suffered from anxiety, but learned to let go and let God. Berthena will share captivating and down to earth conversations on how to strive by faith.  Here's your host, Berthena Jackson. 

Hello, welcome back to the She Strives With Faith podcast. I'm your host, Lady B Celeste. On this podcast, I talk about everyday topics that uplift women from parenting struggles and personal growth to dealing with divorce and staying clear of toxic people who drain our energy. I'm here to explore how faith empowers us in every aspect of our lives.

Today I'm delving into a topic that's familiar to most mothers, understanding our daughter's mood swings. If you're a mother with a daughter, it's something that many of us can relate to. As mothers, we often find ourselves navigating the unpredictable twists and turns of our daughter's emotions. From sudden changes in mood to long periods of silence, it can sometimes feel like we're walking on eggshells.

But fear not, in today's episode I'm going to explore some strategies for handling these moments with grace, patience, and of course, a healthy dose of faith. So you might want to grab your favorite beverage and find a comfortable spot and let's dive in.  Have you ever had a moment where you looked at your daughter and wondered,  what in the heck is going on? 

It's like you see your daughter, she's 11. And suddenly she's acting differently. It's like she's a whole new person and you can't help but wonder what's going on inside her head. And so you start to question everything. Is it because you work too hard? Is she too smart for her classes? Maybe there's a learning disability that you missed.

Or maybe her teacher isn't quite up to the task. Or maybe, just maybe it's not about school at all.  Maybe she's becoming a teenager and this is what teenagers do.  They retreat to their rooms. They get quiet.  It's a whole new world of emotions and discoveries for them. And as parents, it can feel like we're on unfamiliar ground, but you know what?

That's okay. It's all part of the journey of growing up for both our daughters and for us.  You see, mothering isn't just about nurturing, it's about journeying through a maze of uncertainties, questioning every step along the way. And you know that phrase, you don't know, it's like the anthem of motherhood, because in truth, there's so much we don't know.

And yet we keep on mothering, hoping we're, we're getting it right.  So picture this.  You're going about your day and then something happens and you're like, wait, something's not right here.  It's like out of the blue it hits you  and then it feels like it just keeps happening over and over again, especially since your daughter started edging into adolescence and suddenly it's like it's been forever since anyone in the house hasn't been mad, exhausted or sad. 

Now I'm going to keep it real,  you know, I fell into the trap of blaming my daughter's moodiness on her menuastration but here's the thing, when we do that, we're essentially brushing off our daughter's feelings as just hormonal fluctuations instead of really acknowledging and dealing with what she's going through.

And what's worse, it can make, make us miss out on recognizing any deeper issues or struggles she might be dealing with.  And you know, looking back, I realized I should have taken time to really listen to my daughter's concerns and validate her feelings, no matter what was causing them.  And if I had done that, that would have strengthened our bond and shown her that I'm always there to support her, no matter what she's facing. 

But you know what? I've learned a lot from those experiences and I'm now more committed than ever to being there for her and listening to what she has to say.  No matter how many books we read on adolescent development, we're always caught off guard when our daughters start being moody, sullen, locked up in their rooms with their music blaring. 

When things go sideways with our daughters, it's normal to freak out a bit, right? I mean, those tumultuous times can really throw us off. But when we let all that emotional turmoil our daughters are going through overwhelm us, it's like we're drowning out the wisdom of our mother's heart.  Often we find ourselves overwhelmed by what's happening right now, because we've got this unrealistic idea that we can control everything. 

But you know what, ladies, our daughters, unpredictable emotional roller coasters can teach us a thing or two about that.  When our daughters are going through a rough patch, it's like a neon sign reminding us to check our expectations and those controlling tendencies we might have.  It's about letting go of that need to control everything and facing our fears head on. 

And there are two key principles that can help us do that hand in hand mothering thing.  First up, our daughters are not us.  Now, that seems obvious, right? But let me tell you, it's tough to remember when we've got that super strong mother daughter bond going on. But the thing is, when our daughters are struggling, it's not automatically our fault or our struggle.

We're separate beings, even if it doesn't always feel like it.  And holding onto that truth can really lighten the load.  You see, when my feelings, my fears, and my questions take over, I lose the capacity to mother from a wise and centered reality that is curious about my daughter and compassionate toward her struggles. 

Listen, growing girls are moody and they don't communicate. And that's natural. When we become moody in response, we as mothers, we hamper our ability to communicate to our daughters the messages that will help them grow toward emotional maturity.  When my daughter started expressing her opinions on things that mattered to her,  When she was upset about things that were going on at school or amongst her college, excuse me, her peer group,  I kind of lost my nerve.

I couldn't ask questions or set healthy limits because I was all tangled up in my own emotional mess.  I started to believe that my daughter had dragged me into this mess because I didn't take a step back to separate myself from her.  I forgot what I knew. About teenage emotions and what I needed to offer my daughter, even if she didn't seem to want it,  you know, that bond with our daughters can feel like a burden really it can, but we've got to figure this out sooner rather than later and be more aware of where we end and where our daughters began. That should be the goal for every  mother. 

I also want to remind you that we are not God and I might be stepping on some toes, hopefully not.  But let me tell you, we often find ourselves lost in our daughter's emotional turmoil, not just when we lose sight of who we are, but also when we lose sight of God. As mothers, y'all know it. We sometimes want to believe that we're more powerful and loving than God.

Mm hmm. Oh yes. We cling to unrealistic expectations. For our children, when we forget that God is ultimately in control, not us,  we're not in control, ladies.  Psalm 46 verse 1 describes God's response to our troubles as very present.  Sure, God is omnipresent. And we,  mothers,  we're not.  But I don't think this description of God is just about His omnipresence.

It's also about His personal presence.  Sometimes God's only response to our troubles is simply to be there.  When we're so fixated on fixing our daughters or when we lose the ability to just be present with them in the midst of the storm, we forget that God is watching over them.  So ladies, we need to remember that  we need to remember that God is there keeping an eye on our daughters, even when we can't be. 

And let me talk to you about this terrors of the future.  You know, many of us are haunted by the terrors of the future. What do I mean by that? Well, just as our memories of the past and the struggles of the present can strain our connection with our daughters, so can our worries about what lies ahead.

It's like there's this natural link between what's happening now and our fears about what might happen next.  Let me tell you, when my daughter turned 14, I had some pretty scary thoughts running through my mind. I worried about her safety and wellbeing, but also about what could happen in the future. I mean, I was imagining worst case scenarios, her getting assaulted, dropping out of high school, working in a bar, living in a  nasty, gringy, dirty part of town with nothing but a bare light bulb for warmth and light. 

And trust me, that was just the beginning of my worries.  But what I learned as a mother is that we can't predict our children's future.  We have to put it in God's hands. We have to trust God to order their steps.  And you know what's crazy? Even girls, even the girls who grow up in great families with all the resources in the world can still make some seriously foolish mistakes that totally alter their life's paths. 

But here's the thing. Sometimes those mistakes end up teaching them some valuable lessons and strengthening their faith as they go through the consequences.  And then of course there are the girls who grow up in a tough family situations with little support. Surprisingly, many of them turn into incredibly insightful young women at a young age, maybe because they've had to deal with less than ideal circumstances from the get go. 

So here's the thing, mothers. Stop worrying. Yeah, yeah, I know, easier said than done, but seriously, the toughest part of being an emotional mother is getting a grip on that anxiety.  Not all mothers even realize they're anxious.  Sometimes that anxiety shows up in sneaky little ways like trying to control everything or getting manipulative or even getting angry. 

Hmm. It's all just our way of dealing with the fear that our beautiful baby girl might grow into someone or something we can't manage.  Our emotions can be powerful teachers, but when we don't understand them or where they come from, they can turn into this messy, overgrown garden that drowns out our own wisdom and even the guidance of God's spirit. 

Now I want you to think about this.  Imagine your emotions as seeds. If you don't know what kind of seeds they are, how to tend to them, they can sprout into these unruly weeds that just take over everything. And before you know it, you're drowning in this chaotic mess, unable to hear your own voice or wisdom or the gentle nudges of God's spirit. 

So the key here is to take some time to understand  your emotions, to dig into the roots and see where they're coming from. Because when we can do that, we can start to cultivate a garden that's beautiful, vibrant, and full of life. And in that garden, our own voice of wisdom and the coaching of God's spirit can thrive. 

The same psalm that I mentioned previously that tells us God is present also reminds us that we must be still to experience the benefits of his presence.  So when you feel your heart filling with anxiety about the future, your daughter's future, and your mind starts to race with all these improbable possibilities,  calm down.

Take a deep breath.  Count to 10.  Just stop with the racing thoughts. Okay?  Remind yourself that it's totally normal for mothers to worry, but the thing is you're not in control.  God is in control.  A lot of times our worries about the future are colored by this need for everything to look okay.  I mean, I know that when my imagination starts conjuring up ideas or images of my daughter living in a sketchy neighborhood, barely dressed working in who knows what kind of job it's because I'm scared. 

And you know why? It's because I love her. It's because I care about her. It's because I want everything to go well for my daughter. I don't want her to have to struggle. I want everything to work out for her good.  But did you know that God has more of an investment in her than we do  that God knew our daughters from the moment they were conceived.

He knew what he had planned for them  and he knows, he knows what's in store for them.  For the word of God says, I know the plans I have for you.  And you can look that passage of scripture up in Jeremiah chapter 29 verse 11. He wants to prosper our daughters to help them to have an abundant life.  So remember that. 

So what you might want to do is grab some pencil and paper because I want you to complete five sentences when you feel overwhelmed in your relationship with your daughter. And then I'll tell you why. So number one, when my daughter is angry, I feel? Go ahead and finish the sentence. Number two, when my daughter withdraws, I feel?  When my daughter is sad, I feel.  When my daughter mood changes, my own mood, complete the sentence and number five, how often does your mood mirror your daughter's?

Is it all the time? Most of the time? Seldom or never?  Now, after you've done that, I want you to complete these four sentences to determine how you would like to feel,  number one, when my daughter is angry, I would like to feel.  When my daughter withdraws, I would like to feel. 

When my daughter is sad, I would like to feel. And when my daughter mood changes, I would like my own mood to. Fill in the sentence.  Now here's why you should take time to write down your answers to the questions.  Research shows that it's really beneficial for us mothers to take a step back and think about how we feel when our daughters are going through certain moods.

You know, like when they're angry, withdrawn, or sad. It's like looking in the mirror of our emotions. And by understanding how we react and how we want to respond, we can support our daughters better and emotionally. And let's be honest, sometimes our own mood can mimic our daughter's, right? So, it's important to think about how we want to feel in these situations.

Like when our daughter is angry, how do we feel? How do we want to feel? Or when she withdraws, how do we want to react?  These reflections help us set intentions for more empathetic and supportive interactions with our daughters.  Maybe some of you mothers can relate to this.  Imagine taking your 12 or 13 year old daughter shopping.

It's like embarking on a rollercoaster ride. Okay. Girls on the brink of adolescence are all about finding their own style and a shopping trip is a crash course in the multitude of options out there.  My daughter Tash and I, we  can't help but chuckle when we look back at her middle and high school photos.

I mean there was the phase where she rocked a red asymmetrical haircut and crochet braids. Then there was a time she insisted on wearing flip flops to school even in the dead of winter. Oh, and let me tell you about the shirt. She tried to wear a shirt that showed way too much cleavage. And who could forget her Gothic phase? 

Dark clothes, black shoe, black nail polish, dark eyeliner, the whole nine yards. It was a crazy, fun, and sometimes stressful time for both of us.  And moms, those who have been through the teenage years, know that if they express shock at a particular style of dress or show disgust for certain hairstyles or makeup techniques, their daughters are practically guaranteed to pick those very styles. 

You know, moods are a lot like fashion trends. As our daughters enter adolescence and experience changes in their developing brains that allow them to feel a wider and more intense range of emotions, they start trying on different moods like they're trying on clothes. A girl who used to be even tempered and sunny suddenly discovers she can feel angry and sad.

Another girl who seemed carefree as a child now finds herself brooding and feeling outraged.  And sometimes, these moves can even show up in a whole new way of dressing.  Girls who used to be content playing in overalls and bright colored clothing suddenly want to wear black pants, shirts, and black leather jewelry with scary metal spikes sticking out of it.

Girls who once painted their fingernails a pretty pink and begged to play with their mom's makeup  now want to try on black fingernail polish and makeup styles that their moms would never imagine, much less wear themselves.  You see, ladies, when we respond to our daughters moods with surprise or disgust, much like our knee jerk reactions to their fashion experiments, we may unwittingly encourage them to pick a particular mood as their style of relating.

Because moods are emotions  that our daughters try on as a natural part of growing up and finding their own style.  Mothers, when we see our daughter's moods as extreme or unreasonable, it's a chance for us to connect with them and encourage them toward emotional security. It's not a time to battle with them, to argue with them, to make them feel like they're doing something horrible. 

But when we do the opposite, when we connect with them, when we encourage them, we take away the power of moods to control both our daughters and ourselves.  When our daughters are in a mood, there are two paths we can take that will encourage them toward emotional security. One path is to help them find the thought behind the mood and confront it, affirm it, answer it, or pray about it. 

You see, when we take things personally, it's like putting up a barrier between us and our daughters. We feel offended. We react offensively. And before we know it, there's a gap between us.  That disconnection or conflict isn't what we want in our relationships with our daughters. So we need to just learn to take a step back. 

Step back for a moment, get over our own feelings and take, and not take things so personally.  Now the second path we can take with our daughters is all about encouraging growth despite their moods. It's not easy. It requires patience and understanding, but before we can guide our daughters through this, we need to do some of this transformative work on ourselves.

It's like they say, we can't pour from an empty cup. So let's fill ourselves with compassion, wisdom, and resilience so we can better support our daughters on their journey.  Our daughter's moodiness is a perfect opportunity for our own transformation. Research has shown that how we respond to our daughter's moods has a significant impact on their emotional development.

When we approach their moodiness with curiosity, compassion, and faith, it not only helps them navigate their emotions, but also fosters a stronger bond between mother and daughter.  Studies have also shown, um, shown that mothers who are able to regulate their own emotions and respond empathetically to their daughter's moods contribute to their daughter's emotional resilience and wellbeing.

Now, on the other hand,  When we act defensively and we want to fight with them and, you know, it, there's increased conflict and there's a strain in the mother daughter relationship. And so we're trying to avoid that. We're trying to  mitigate that. We're trying to, um, we don't want to increase that. We want to decrease the strain, decrease the conflict, right? 

So what we have to do is embrace our daughter's moodiness as an opportunity for growth.  Okay. This is very beneficial for them, but also for us as mothers. It's all part of the motherhood journey, a journey where we learn and grow alongside our daughters. We don't want our daughters to become our enemy. 

So to all my beautiful mothers out there, I love you.  Let's approach it with an open heart, a listening ear and a willingness to transform for the better.  Okay.  So listen, thanks for tuning in to the she strives with faith podcast. God bless you. I pray that your relationship with your daughter will blossom and it will grow into a beautiful loving relationship where the both of you will become friends and not just mother and daughter.

Until next time, take care and keep the faith.  Bye for now. 

Thank you for listening to the She Strives With Faith podcast. To hear more about how you can tap into the power of striving with faith, join her next week.  If you found value in the episode, give her a rating or tell a friend about the show. Follow Berthena

 Ladies, your natural instinct is to worry. You worry about your children, your health, your relationship,  and everything else under the sun. It's a classic case of worry wart syndrome. If you tend to worry needlessly, you are not alone.  Welcome to the She Strives With Faith podcast with Berthena Jackson.

Berthena is a two time divorcee, single mother, and war veteran who suffered from anxiety, but learned to let go and let God. Berthena will share captivating and down to earth conversations on how to strive by faith.  Here's your host, Berthena Jackson. 

Hello, welcome back to the She Strives With Faith podcast. I'm your host, Lady B Celeste. On this podcast, I talk about everyday topics that uplift women from parenting struggles and personal growth to dealing with divorce and staying clear of toxic people who drain our energy. I'm here to explore how faith empowers us in every aspect of our lives.

Today I'm delving into a topic that's familiar to most mothers, understanding our daughter's mood swings. If you're a mother with a daughter, it's something that many of us can relate to. As mothers, we often find ourselves navigating the unpredictable twists and turns of our daughter's emotions. From sudden changes in mood to long periods of silence, it can sometimes feel like we're walking on eggshells.

But fear not, in today's episode I'm going to explore some strategies for handling these moments with grace, patience, and of course, a healthy dose of faith. So you might want to grab your favorite beverage and find a comfortable spot and let's dive in.  Have you ever had a moment where you looked at your daughter and wondered,  what in the heck is going on? 

It's like you see your daughter, she's 11. And suddenly she's acting differently. It's like she's a whole new person and you can't help but wonder what's going on inside her head. And so you start to question everything. Is it because you work too hard? Is she too smart for her classes? Maybe there's a learning disability that you missed.

Or maybe her teacher isn't quite up to the task. Or maybe, just maybe it's not about school at all.  Maybe she's becoming a teenager and this is what teenagers do.  They retreat to their rooms. They get quiet.  It's a whole new world of emotions and discoveries for them. And as parents, it can feel like we're on unfamiliar ground, but you know what?

That's okay. It's all part of the journey of growing up for both our daughters and for us.  You see, mothering isn't just about nurturing, it's about journeying through a maze of uncertainties, questioning every step along the way. And you know that phrase, you don't know, it's like the anthem of motherhood, because in truth, there's so much we don't know.

And yet we keep on mothering, hoping we're, we're getting it right.  So picture this.  You're going about your day and then something happens and you're like, wait, something's not right here.  It's like out of the blue it hits you  and then it feels like it just keeps happening over and over again, especially since your daughter started edging into adolescence and suddenly it's like it's been forever since anyone in the house hasn't been mad, exhausted or sad. 

Now I'm going to keep it real,  you know, I fell into the trap of blaming my daughter's moodiness on her menuastration But here's the thing, when we do that, we're essentially brushing off our daughter's feelings as just hormonal fluctuations instead of really acknowledging and dealing with what she's going through.

And what's worse, it can make, make us miss out on recognizing any deeper issues or struggles she might be dealing with.  And you know, looking back, I realized I should have taken time to really listen to my daughter's concerns and validate her feelings, no matter what was causing them.  And if I had done that, that would have strengthened our bond and shown her that I'm always there to support her, no matter what she's facing. 

But you know what? I've learned a lot from those experiences and I'm now more committed than ever to being there for her and listening to what she has to say.  No matter how many books we read on adolescent development, we're always caught off guard when our daughters start being moody, sullen, locked up in their rooms with their music blaring. 

When things go sideways with our daughters, it's normal to freak out a bit, right? I mean, those tumultuous times can really throw us off. But when we let all that emotional turmoil our daughters are going through overwhelm us, it's like we're drowning out the wisdom of our mother's heart.  Often we find ourselves overwhelmed by what's happening right now, because we've got this unrealistic idea that we can control everything. 

But you know what, ladies, our daughters, unpredictable emotional roller coasters can teach us a thing or two about that.  When our daughters are going through a rough patch, it's like a neon sign reminding us to check our expectations and those controlling tendencies we might have.  It's about letting go of that need to control everything and facing our fears head on. 

And there are two key principles that can help us do that hand in hand mothering thing.  First up, our daughters are not us.  Now, that seems obvious, right? But let me tell you, it's tough to remember when we've got that super strong mother daughter bond going on. But the thing is, when our daughters are struggling, it's not automatically our fault or our struggle.

mmhmm oh.  We're separate beings, even if it doesn't always feel like it.  And holding onto that truth can really lighten the load.  You see, when my feelings, my fears, and my questions take over, I lose the capacity to mother from a wise and centered reality that is curious about my daughter and compassionate toward her struggles. 

Listen, growing girls are moody and they don't communicate. And that's natural. When we become moody in response, we as mothers, we hamper our ability to communicate to our daughters the messages that will help them grow toward emotional maturity.  When my daughter started expressing her opinions on things that mattered to her,  When she was upset about things that were going on at school or amongst her college, excuse me, her peer group,  I kind of lost my nerve.

I couldn't ask questions or set healthy limits because I was all tangled up in my own emotional mess.  I started to believe that my daughter had dragged me into this mess because I didn't take a step back to separate myself from her.  I forgot what I knew. About teenage emotions and what I needed to offer my daughter, even if she didn't seem to want it,  you know, that bond with our daughters can feel like a burden really it can, but we've got to figure this out sooner rather than later and be more aware of where we end and where our daughters began. 

That should be our goal for every  mother. 

I also want to remind you that we are not God and I might be stepping on some toes, hopefully not.  But let me tell you, we often find ourselves lost in our daughter's emotional turmoil, not just when we lose sight of who we are, but also when we lose sight of God. As mothers, y'all know it. We sometimes want to believe that we're more powerful and loving than God.

Mm hmm. Oh yes. We cling to unrealistic expectations. For our children, when we forget that God is ultimately in control, not us,  we're not in control, ladies.  Psalm 46 verse 1 describes God's response to our troubles as very present.  Sure, God is omnipresent. And we,  mothers,  we're not.  But I don't think this description of God is just about His omnipresence.

It's also about His personal presence.  Sometimes God's only response to our troubles is simply to be there.  When we're so fixated on fixing our daughters or when we lose the ability to just be present with them in the midst of the storm, we forget that God is watching over them.  So ladies, we need to remember that  we need to remember that God is there keeping an eye on our daughters, even when we can't be. 

And let me talk to you about this terrors of the future.  You know, many of us are haunted by the terrors of the future. What do I mean by that? Well, just as our memories of the past and the struggles of the present can strain our connection with our daughters, so can our worries about what lies ahead.

It's like there's this natural link between what's happening now and our fears about what might happen next.  Let me tell you, when my daughter turned 14, I had some pretty scary thoughts running through my mind. I worried about her safety and wellbeing, but also about what could happen in the future. I mean, I was imagining worst case scenarios, her getting assaulted, dropping out of high school, working in a bar, living in a  nasty, gringy, dirty part of town with nothing but a bare light bulb for warmth and light. 

And trust me, that was just the beginning of my worries.  But what I learned as a mother is that we can't predict our children's future.  We have to put it in God's hands. We have to trust God to order their steps.  And you know what's crazy? Even girls, even the girls who grow up in great families with all the resources in the world can still make some seriously foolish mistakes that totally alter their life's paths. 

But here's the thing. Sometimes those mistakes end up teaching them some valuable lessons and strengthening their faith as they go through the consequences.  And then of course there are the girls who grow up in a tough family situations with little support. Surprisingly, many of them turn into incredibly insightful young women at a young age, maybe because they've had to deal with less than ideal circumstances from the get go. 

So here's the thing, mothers. Stop worrying. Yeah, yeah, I know, easier said than done, but seriously, the toughest part of being an emotional mother is getting a grip on that anxiety.  Not all mothers even realize they're anxious.  Sometimes that anxiety shows up in sneaky little ways like trying to control everything or getting manipulative or even getting angry. 

Hmm. It's all just our way of dealing with the fear that our beautiful baby girl might grow into someone or something we can't manage.  Our emotions can be powerful teachers, but when we don't understand them or where they come from, They can turn into this messy, overgrown garden that drowns out our own wisdom and even the guidance of God's spirit. 

Now I want you to think about this.  Imagine your emotions as seeds. If you don't know what kind of seeds they are, how to tend to them, they can sprout into these unruly weeds that just take over everything. And before you know it, you're drowning in this chaotic mess, unable to hear your own voice or wisdom or the gentle nudges of God's spirit. 

So the key here is to take some time to understand  your emotions, to dig into the roots and see where they're coming from. Because when we can do that, we can start to cultivate a garden that's beautiful, vibrant, and full of life. And in that garden, our own voice of wisdom and the coaching of God's spirit can thrive. 

The same psalm that I mentioned previously that tells us God is present also reminds us that we must be still to experience the benefits of his presence.  So when you feel your heart filling with anxiety about the future, your daughter's future, and your mind starts to race with all these improbable possibilities,  calm down.

Take a deep breath.  Count to 10.  Just stop with the racing thoughts. Okay?  Remind yourself that it's totally normal for mothers to worry, but the thing is you're not in control.  God is in control.  A lot of times our worries about the future are colored by this need for everything to look okay.  I mean, I know that when my imagination starts conjuring up ideas or images of my daughter living in a sketchy neighborhood, barely dressed working in who knows what kind of job it's because I'm scared. 

And you know why? It's because I love her. It's because I care about her. It's because I want everything to go well for my daughter. I don't want her to have to struggle. I want everything to work out for her good.  But did you know that God? Has more of an investment in her than we do  that God knew our daughters from the moment they were conceived.

He knew what he had planned for them  and he knows, he knows what's in store for them.  For the word of God says, I know the plans I have for you.  And you can look that passage of scripture up in Jeremiah chapter 29 verse 11. He wants to prosper our daughters to help them to have an abundant life.  So remember that. 

So what you might want to do is grab some pencil and paper because I want you to complete five sentences when you feel overwhelmed in your relationship with your daughter. And then I'll tell you. Why? So number one, when the door, when, when my daughter is angry, I feel go ahead and finish the sentence number two, when my daughter withdraws, I feel  when my daughter is sad, I feel  when my daughter mood changes, my own mood, complete the sentence and number five, how often does your mood mirror your daughter's?

Is it all the time? Most of the time? Seldom or never?  Now, after you've done that, I want you to complete these four sentences to determine how you would like to feel, how you would like to feel.  Number one, when my daughter is angry, I would like to feel.  When my daughter withdraws, I would like to feel. 

When my daughter is sad, I would like to feel. And when my daughter mood changes, I would like my own mood to fill in the sentence.  Now here's why you should take time to write down your answers to the questions.  Research shows that it's really beneficial for us mothers to take a step back and think about how we feel when our daughters are going through certain moods.

You know, like when they're angry, withdrawn, or sad. It's like looking in the mirror of our emotions. And by understanding how we react and how we want to respond, we can support our daughters better and emotionally. And let's be honest, sometimes our own mood can mimic our daughter's, right? So, it's important to think about how we want to feel in these situations.

Like when our daughter is angry, how do we feel? How do we want to feel? Or when she withdraws, how do we want to react?  These reflections help us set intentions for more empathetic and supportive interactions with our daughters.  Maybe some of you mothers can relate to this.  Imagine taking your 12 or 13 year old daughter shopping.

It's like embarking on a rollercoaster ride. Okay. Girls on the brink of adolescence are all about finding their own style and a shopping trip is a crash course in the multitude of options out there.  My daughter Tash and I we I kept  We can't help but chuckle when we look back at her middle and high school photos.

I mean there was the phase where she rocked a red asymmetrical haircut and crochet braids. Then there was a time she insisted on wearing flip flops to school even in the dead of winter. Oh, and let me tell you about the shirt. She tried to wear that a shirt that showed way too much cleavage. And who could forget her gothic phase  Dark clothes, black shoe, black nail polish, dark eyeliner, the whole nine yards. It was a crazy, fun, and sometimes stressful time for both of us.  And moms, those who have been through the teenage years, know that if they express shock at a particular style of dress or show disgust for certain hairstyles or makeup techniques, their daughters are practically guaranteed to pick those very styles. 

You know, moods are like a lot like fashion trends. As our daughters enter adolescence and experience changes in their developing brains that allow them to feel a wider and more intense range of emotions, they start trying on different moods like they're trying on clothes. A girl who used to be even tempered and sunny suddenly discovers she can feel angry and sad.

Another girl who seemed carefree as a child now finds herself brooding and feeling outraged.  And sometimes, these moves can even show up in a whole new way of dressing.  Girls who used to be content playing in overalls and bright colored clothing suddenly want to wear black pants, shirts, and black leather jewelry with scary metal spikes sticking out of it.

Girls who once painted their fingernails a pretty pink and begged to play with their mom's makeup No  Now want to try on black fingernail polish and makeup styles that their moms would never imagine, much less wear themselves.  You see, ladies, when we respond to our daughters moods with surprise or disgust, much like our knee jerk reactions to their fashion experiments, we may unwittingly encourage them to pick a particular mood as their style of relating.

Because moods are emotions what moves our emotions that our daughters try on as a natural part of growing up and finding their own style.  Mothers, when we see our daughter's moods as extreme or unreasonable, it's a chance for us to connect with them and encourage them toward emotional security. It's not a time to battle with them, to argue with them, to make them feel like they're doing something horrible. 

But when we do the opposite, when we connect with them, when we encourage them, we take away the power of moods to control both our daughters and ourselves.  When our daughters are in a mood, there are two paths we can take that will encourage them toward emotional security. One path is to help them find the thought behind the mood and confront it, affirm it, answer it, or pray about it. 

You see, when we take things personally, it's like putting up a barrier between us and our daughters. We feel offended. We react offensively. And before we know it, there's a gap between us.  That disconnection or conflict isn't what we want in our relationships with our daughters. So we need to just learn to take a step back. 

Step back for a moment, get over our own feelings and take, and not take things so personally.  Now the second path we can take with our daughters is all about encouraging growth despite their moods. It's not easy. It requires patience and understanding, but before we can guide our daughters through this, we need to do some of this transformative work on ourselves.

It's like they say, we can't pour from an empty cup. So let's fill ourselves with compassion, wisdom, and resilience so we can better support our daughters on their journey.  Our daughter's moodiness is a perfect opportunity for our own transformation. Research has shown that how we respond to our daughter's moods has a significant impact on their emotional development.

When we approach their moodiness with curiosity, compassion, and faith, it not only helps them navigate their emotions, but also fosters a stronger bond between mother and daughter.  Studies have also shown, um, shown that mothers who are able to regulate their own emotions and respond empathetically to their daughter's moods contribute to their daughter's emotional resilience and wellbeing.

Now, on the other hand,  When we act defensively and we want to fight with them and, you know, it, there's increased conflict and there's a strain in the mother daughter relationship. And so we're trying to avoid that. We're trying to  mitigate that. We're trying to, um, we don't want to increase that. We want to decrease the strain, decrease the conflict, right? 

So what we have to do is embrace our daughter's moodiness as an opportunity for growth.  Okay. This is very beneficial for them, but also for us as mothers. It's all part of the motherhood journey, a journey where we learn and grow alongside our daughters. We don't want our daughters to become our enemy. 

So to all my beautiful mothers out there, I love you.  Let's approach it with an open heart, a listening ear and a willingness to transform for the better.  Okay.  So listen, thanks for tuning in to the She Strives with Faith podcast. God bless you. I pray that your relationship with your daughter will blossom and it will grow into a beautiful loving relationship where the both of you will become friends and not just mother and daughter.

Until next time, take care and keep the faith.  Bye for now. 

Thank you for listening to the She Strives With Faith podcast. To hear more about how you can tap into the power of striving with faith, join her next week.  If you found value in the episode, give her a rating or tell a friend about the show. Follow Berthena on Facebook and Instagram for a more personal chat. 

Until next time, strive to keep faith alive.   on Facebook and Instagram for a more personal chat. Until next time, strive to keep faith alive.